Most people who eventually sit across from me in a session didn't search for a "sex addiction therapist." They searched for something else first — or they didn't search at all. They just kept trying to stop on their own.
They deleted the apps. They made promises. They told themselves this time would be different.
And then it wasn't.
If that sounds familiar, this article is for you.
What We're Actually Talking About
Sexual preoccupation and compulsive sexual behavior exist on a spectrum. You don't have to have lost your marriage, your job, or your savings to have a problem worth addressing. What matters is whether the behavior is interfering with your life — your relationships, your self-respect, your ability to be present.
Common patterns I work with include:
- Pornography use that feels out of control or increasingly escalating
- Compulsive sexual thoughts that interrupt daily functioning
- Repeated behavior despite genuine attempts to stop
- Secrecy, shame, and the emotional exhaustion of hiding
- Using sexual behavior to manage stress, loneliness, anxiety, or boredom
- Impact on intimate relationships — even when a partner doesn't know
None of these things make you a bad person. They make you someone whose nervous system found a very effective, very costly coping mechanism.
Why Willpower Alone Rarely Works
Here's what most people don't understand about compulsive sexual behavior: it isn't primarily about sex.
It's about regulation.
The brain learns early that certain behaviors reliably produce relief — from stress, from emotional pain, from the discomfort of simply existing in a difficult moment. Over time, those neural pathways become deeply grooved. The behavior isn't just a choice anymore. It's a response.
This is why the "just stop" approach fails so consistently. You're not fighting a bad habit. You're fighting a learned survival strategy that your brain has practiced thousands of times.
Effective treatment doesn't just target the behavior. It targets what the behavior is doing for you — and builds something better in its place.
What Treatment Actually Looks Like
I specialize in this work because I believe it deserves focused, non-shaming clinical attention. My approach integrates:
DBT skills — practical tools for tolerating distress, managing urges, and building a life worth staying present for.
Attachment-based work — understanding how early relational experiences shape current patterns, and how healing happens in the context of a safe therapeutic relationship.
Motivational work — clarifying your own values and what kind of person you want to be, rather than simply trying to white-knuckle your way to behavior change.
I work with individuals and offer an Intensive Therapy format for people who want to compress meaningful progress into a focused, immersive experience — particularly useful for those in acute crisis, those who have limited time, or those who have tried traditional weekly therapy without the traction they needed.
A Note About Shame
The biggest barrier to getting help isn't finding a therapist. It's shame.
Most people who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior carry an enormous amount of it — shame about the behavior itself, shame about not being able to stop, shame about what it might mean about them.
I want to say directly: this work is not about judgment. It's not about labeling you or categorizing you. It's about understanding what's happening and building something different.
People make real, lasting changes in this area. I've watched it happen. It requires honesty, effort, and support — not shame.
Who I Work With
I work with adults in Oregon via telehealth. My clients include:
- Men and women navigating compulsive pornography use or sexual behavior
- Individuals in relationships where this behavior has created rupture or secrecy
- People in non-traditional relationship structures (ENM, polyamory) navigating these issues with additional complexity
- People who have tried to address this on their own and are ready for structured support
I offer both insurance-based and private pay options, including an Intensive format for those seeking accelerated, focused work.